‘Til DEBT do us part …

This is really funny but it’s a reality. I came across this phrase in a book about managing finances. The author also mentioned that 56% of all divorces are a result of financial tension in the home by the Gallup Poll.

I guess, as singles we should be good stewards of our resources. Let us not join those 56% and add to it... Let’s save money and be content with what we have. It is important to know and get what we need and not what we want. Be debt-free! It’s liberating!
I’ve seen couples getting married just to find out that their partner has been drowning in debt. Don’t marry someone who has overwhelming debt unless you want to be a hero or you can afford to pay his or her debt in the name of love. But who would want to end up paying debt for the rest of his or her life, end up in jail… or dying and in debt? Remember that conjugality does not only include asset but liabilities as well. It’s always better to be wise. So, do you think it is a good idea to conduct a “silent” credit investigation or check on your partner first before considering marriage? Hmmm… What do you think? :-)

When To Say Goodbye To Your Husband Or Boyfriend?

Oooops… Don’t get me wrong, please. Let me just tell you that I believe in the sanctity and covenant of marriage.

But honestly, at one point in my life I thought divorce was a good idea. This occurred to me when unhappy married couples left and right had too many stories to tell which made me agree that divorce was the ultimate solution.

I had a friend whose dad was womanizing and another acquaintance that used to have bruises due to her husband’s beatings. Believe it or not we had a family friend whose family was broken because it was found out that he was having an affair with another man. Yes, another man… Then another friend of mine who was like an older sister to me has been married for several years now with 2 wonderful kids. She eventually got involved with another married man. She never listened to our pieces of unsolicited advice. The relationship grew strong and went stronger when she found out that her husband has a child with another woman. His child was older than his 2 legitimate kids. Sad stories…

Having this exposure, I came up with my own “grounds” for possible divorce once I’m married. First, I’m going to leave my husband (or bf) at once when he beats me…even if it happened once. No way! Another is when I catch him having an affair with another woman. Lastly, when he’s having an affair with another man. Makes sense isn’t it?

But I’ve also thought of ways on how to keep this from happening. Single ladies, you may want to take note of these. That old cliché that says prevention is better than cure still works. I’ve got two. Get to know your suitors well including his family. Be a keen observer, use your intuition (woman’s gift I guess) and look for these 3 signs before giving your sweet “yes” and “I do’s”.

Why Some Marriages Fail?

This question was posed during one of our small group meetings with some female church members where most attendees are married women. Many answers came up like lack of communication, lack of readiness in terms of emotional, spiritual & financial stability. Someone answered it was because of marrying for wrong reasons.

I’m not yet married and not an expert on topics about marriages. Though I am a keen observer and have been exposed to both successful and failed marriages around me and have read few books about relationships, I have yet to learn so many things. And I agree that the best way to learn such is experiencing it. That I don’t have yet.

I’ve just realized this morning the truthfulness and reality of this last reason that was mentioned above. I came across an acquaintance or a friend who’s been married for about 2 years and has a baby. She didn’t look okay and without me asking how she is, she blurted out that she regrets getting married. She said her life has become more complicated and miserable when she got married. This woman got married late. She was 38 or 39 when she met her better half (which must have turned “bitter” I guess). Everybody was just surprised to hear her announcement that she was getting married. She said she had no plans of getting married until a man came into her life who was a stranger to her. They were not friends before. But they fell in love and thought it’s going to be a bed of roses. During her 1st two years of married life and eventually having a baby, she always looked happy and told all of the ladies she got to speak with to go ahead and get married before it’s too late. That includes me. Every time we met, she would say, “Hey get married. It’s fun to have a baby!” (As if it’s so easy to plan and as if you’re the one who has all the right to propose to your man.) Lately you’ll see her wearing a sad face. And now she said it! She is regretful. She has not left her husband. Not yet. But she’ll soon be a possible candidate of this failed marriages club.

Most of the reasons for failed marriages are being realized right there within marriage. We’d say you’ll never know the person until you live under the same roof. One would say, “I never knew he was a drunkard!” or “I had no idea that he’s such and such.” But the question is can this be prevented? The answer is I don’t know. :-) But why learn from your own mistakes if you can learn from other’s mistakes? Other people’s stories serve as a signal, a guide or a lesson for us to learn. There’s no need to experience it in order to learn... One thing I probably learned is getting married for wrong reasons. Many people especially women, fall into the trap of thinking that they are running out of time and their biological clocks are ticking so fast. So they think they needed to get married and marry this man who’s going to come and propose early this year! If this is your reason for marrying then expect a possible failed marriage. Get married for the right reasons! Get to know the person well. Get to know his family, his background, everything about him. Make sure you love each other. It should be a balance between the mind and heart - not one over the other. Don’t lower your standards.

Let’s keep in mind that marriage is a lifetime commitment that holds us responsible in building the next generation. We will be raising future parents, grandparents, leaders…or even criminals. The kind of people that will rule this world in the future would greatly depend on us. Let’s make the right choice than be sorry for the rest of our lives. For our choices not only affect us but also affect others’ lives and future.