When To Say Goodbye To Your Husband Or Boyfriend?

Oooops… Don’t get me wrong, please. Let me just tell you that I believe in the sanctity and covenant of marriage.

But honestly, at one point in my life I thought divorce was a good idea. This occurred to me when unhappy married couples left and right had too many stories to tell which made me agree that divorce was the ultimate solution.

I had a friend whose dad was womanizing and another acquaintance that used to have bruises due to her husband’s beatings. Believe it or not we had a family friend whose family was broken because it was found out that he was having an affair with another man. Yes, another man… Then another friend of mine who was like an older sister to me has been married for several years now with 2 wonderful kids. She eventually got involved with another married man. She never listened to our pieces of unsolicited advice. The relationship grew strong and went stronger when she found out that her husband has a child with another woman. His child was older than his 2 legitimate kids. Sad stories…

Having this exposure, I came up with my own “grounds” for possible divorce once I’m married. First, I’m going to leave my husband (or bf) at once when he beats me…even if it happened once. No way! Another is when I catch him having an affair with another woman. Lastly, when he’s having an affair with another man. Makes sense isn’t it?

But I’ve also thought of ways on how to keep this from happening. Single ladies, you may want to take note of these. That old cliché that says prevention is better than cure still works. I’ve got two. Get to know your suitors well including his family. Be a keen observer, use your intuition (woman’s gift I guess) and look for these 3 signs before giving your sweet “yes” and “I do’s”.

Why Some Marriages Fail?

This question was posed during one of our small group meetings with some female church members where most attendees are married women. Many answers came up like lack of communication, lack of readiness in terms of emotional, spiritual & financial stability. Someone answered it was because of marrying for wrong reasons.

I’m not yet married and not an expert on topics about marriages. Though I am a keen observer and have been exposed to both successful and failed marriages around me and have read few books about relationships, I have yet to learn so many things. And I agree that the best way to learn such is experiencing it. That I don’t have yet.

I’ve just realized this morning the truthfulness and reality of this last reason that was mentioned above. I came across an acquaintance or a friend who’s been married for about 2 years and has a baby. She didn’t look okay and without me asking how she is, she blurted out that she regrets getting married. She said her life has become more complicated and miserable when she got married. This woman got married late. She was 38 or 39 when she met her better half (which must have turned “bitter” I guess). Everybody was just surprised to hear her announcement that she was getting married. She said she had no plans of getting married until a man came into her life who was a stranger to her. They were not friends before. But they fell in love and thought it’s going to be a bed of roses. During her 1st two years of married life and eventually having a baby, she always looked happy and told all of the ladies she got to speak with to go ahead and get married before it’s too late. That includes me. Every time we met, she would say, “Hey get married. It’s fun to have a baby!” (As if it’s so easy to plan and as if you’re the one who has all the right to propose to your man.) Lately you’ll see her wearing a sad face. And now she said it! She is regretful. She has not left her husband. Not yet. But she’ll soon be a possible candidate of this failed marriages club.

Most of the reasons for failed marriages are being realized right there within marriage. We’d say you’ll never know the person until you live under the same roof. One would say, “I never knew he was a drunkard!” or “I had no idea that he’s such and such.” But the question is can this be prevented? The answer is I don’t know. :-) But why learn from your own mistakes if you can learn from other’s mistakes? Other people’s stories serve as a signal, a guide or a lesson for us to learn. There’s no need to experience it in order to learn... One thing I probably learned is getting married for wrong reasons. Many people especially women, fall into the trap of thinking that they are running out of time and their biological clocks are ticking so fast. So they think they needed to get married and marry this man who’s going to come and propose early this year! If this is your reason for marrying then expect a possible failed marriage. Get married for the right reasons! Get to know the person well. Get to know his family, his background, everything about him. Make sure you love each other. It should be a balance between the mind and heart - not one over the other. Don’t lower your standards.

Let’s keep in mind that marriage is a lifetime commitment that holds us responsible in building the next generation. We will be raising future parents, grandparents, leaders…or even criminals. The kind of people that will rule this world in the future would greatly depend on us. Let’s make the right choice than be sorry for the rest of our lives. For our choices not only affect us but also affect others’ lives and future.

Funny True-to-Life Stories…

Well I’m not going to give you made-up stories but real ones that occurred in the life of a poor, innocent child. I’m not sure if you’re going to cry or laugh your hearts out after reading these. Life is full of both good and bad times. No matter how hard life is there will always be happy moments. No one has ever gone through easy life without any problems or discomforts. I’m not exactly sure though how these stories can be categorized. I guess it would depend on the characters you will look at– the “oppressed” or the “oppressor”. Like what I mentioned, life is full of drama, comedies, action, fun, etc. All of these took place in my life as the youngest girl and 5^th among 6 siblings - with 3 brothers and 2 sisters… See how “fun” and challenging it is to be a part of a big happy family!

Well, having a big family will usually tend to “divide” the siblings into two or smaller groups. I was part of the boys’ team. So fortunately or unfortunately, I was “one of the boys” and still am. Thank God I grew up as a real & fine woman. Ha-ha!

Childhood experiences…

When our parents were away, here’s what usually happened - you would see the kids running around, going in and outside the house. Sometimes they played basketball, and as usual, the boys were always the winners. When it’s the girls’ turn to play, the ball was nowhere to be found. The next day you would find the ball either inside the back of the toilet bowl where the flusher is located or up in the ring, sliced into half and useless. That’s after they got bored of playing the stuff and they didn’t want the girls to enjoy as they did.

We were not fond of pillow fights. My brothers would put the pillows up above the door which was half-open. They would stay inside the room then would convince the girls to get in so we could all play. Sometimes they used huge milk cans, dipper or small pail filled with water instead of pillows. So we girls got swollen heads and in no time, got free painful shower.

If we were lucky to have a sunny day, we would go out and play. Most of the time, I fell into a ground hole made by my brothers to trap me. Imagine the helplessness of a very young, poor & innocent child… I remember the times I used to hide inside our cabinet during our hide-and-seek. It usually toppled down the floor with me inside without getting hurt (I think this is a skill).

Nightmare?

One day, one of my older brothers invited me to play inside the huge, empty water tank at the front yard. So, he helped me get inside the tank. I started tapping, playing and making echoes inside. He said I had to wait for him, but he never came in. I eventually got bored and tried to reach the round tank cover. To my dismay, I could not open it as it was too heavy. Then there was a foul odor like a rotten fruit or dead mouse. I realized he farted on the small hole where the hosepipe is usually connected. Yes it was sooooo gross! I was grasping for air so I placed my nose closer to that small hole to get some fresh air. When he noticed I was doing that, he put a piece of rag to cover that small hole. I was crying and shouting inside and was helpless. He finally got me out of the tank after few minutes. He was laughing and must have enjoyed the “fun”… but for me it was an unforgettable & horrible nightmare. Despite that, I’m still part of his team. J

(More to come…)