He Answers...

I still could not believe it happened immediately. How fast God answered our prayers. This afternoon, I prayed again. It was a prayer that God will change the heart of the person who was attacking us through text messages the whole day yesterday. She was doing it for her friend without knowing the whole story. Her accusations and devastating words caused moral damages to us - words that my boyfriend and I have never ever received or heard before. Thank God He truly vindicates. I asked Him in my prayer that despite all that, my heart will not harden. That I will still learn to forgive, love, understand and be merciful yet bold and firm. That He will soften and change the heart of that person. Nothing is impossible with Him. Few minutes ago, that person sent few messages of apology. She’s asking for forgiveness. Don’t know exactly what happened but one thing for sure, if it’s according to His will, He answers prayers!

America

My vacation is full of excitement and events. I’ve witnessed how Halloween is celebrated with all those Trick-o-treats, Jack-O-Lanterns and costumes worn by people who were not going to parties but to their regular daily chores and office works. Election is over and I’ve also witnessed how fast this nation can come up with results!

Travel can really give you a different perspective about many things. It broadens one’s view and many times you can't help but compare about cultures and practices. Yes, there are things you would appreciate about the country you’re visiting yet there are also things you observe in other countries that you hope you have in your own place.

One thing that really amazed me is how these political candidates react to their victory or defeat. They have the sportsmanship and real love for their countries.

I was able to listen to McCain and Obama’s speech. Sincerity is very evident and love for country is apparent. I’ve seen how many people cried aside from the fact that the new president is a real good speaker. These two men have proven a lot about their leadership. One has strived so hard to get up from difficulties of life to success. The other one was a hero in his own country. They are both equally qualified. Yet only one had to gain victory and Obama did. But they still chose to support each other regardless of the past issues. They are still after how they can help this country and not for selfish gain or interest.

Many reactions came out about the result. Some are happy, some are not. Some have mixed emotions. I am one of those who feel sad yet excited. I can imagine how other countries especially the poor ones, not to mention Africa, can benefit from the new leadership.

Everyone hopes that this nation will soon rise from the economic crisis. Many countries’ economy also depends on this great nation. What a huge responsibility the new president is carrying on his shoulders. It’s not easy to be a nation’s leader. Yet I still believe that the voice of the people is the voice of God. America may rise or may get worst. But let us all hope. God’s sovereignty will always reign. It is God who allows or puts leaders in their respective positions. Whether to bless the nation or to teach everyone a lesson let His will be done. God bless America!

Trick or Treat?

I thought I was not going to see our neighbors during my stay here in Oahu. Sometimes I think of lighting up a firecracker just to check if we do have neighbors around here. Doing that will surely get the people out of their homes but I may end up in jail. :-) Good thing I did not have to do that. I finally met them when I joined my niece in this special event…

We do have lots of gimmicks during Halloween in my place. That includes parties, costumes and decoration contests, etc. This one is a new experience. Kids get so excited and expect to be collecting candies and chocolates of all sorts while wearing their best, worst or scary costumes. I also learned how to make a Jack-O-Lantern. Pretty exciting!

Aloha!

Finally! Another dream come true. I remember when I was a kid, I dreamed of seeing this land of paradise. God is so good. I'm indeed blessed. It started as a wish. Then it became a dream, then to a goal...then faith. Now I'm here!

Just arrived yesterday. Today is my rest day. I could not imagine a vacation without kids. Yes, I'm staying with a wonderful family with beautiful kids. And I love every moment with them.

DWT – Driving while texting

Three obsessions are very evident in many countries and cities – checking e-mails, facebooking and texting. Would you agree? In many business organizations, e-mail is an essential means to communicate, same thing with texting. I have seen cigarette and sidewalk vendors, bus, PUJ and taxi drivers, farmers even beggars holding their cellphones and exchanging text messages while doing their jobs. Where else can you see these but only in the Philippines!

Texting has also becoming very popular in the US especially for teens. According to CTIA-The Wireless Association , more than 158 billion text messages were sent in the USA in 2006. Have we realized that accidents caused by driving under influence of alcohol are as bad as those caused by texting behind wheels? For sure, there are so many accidents related to driving distractions not to mention driving while texting. DWT can cost lives.

Accidents happen while driving no matter how careful we are. I have witnessed accidents in which the victims were not doing anything; they just got hit by another vehicle driven by reckless or distracted drivers. In my family alone, I cannot count the number of times each of my siblings, my parents and even myself met major and minor car accidents caused by another vehicle. Thank God we are alive. The last one so far was my eldest brother whose van was totally wrecked. Miraculously he survived.

We can’t really do several things at the same time. Yes, multitasking has become the norm in our modern lifestyle. And it works especially for office workers. But research shows that the brain portion that works when driving is the same brain that works when talking to somebody. So why take the risks? Your life and other people’s lives are priceless.

Will it be a good idea then to ban driving while texting? In the US, a law has been passed to make this illegal. According to a source, instant and text messaging while driving tops the list as the biggest driving distraction in the US. It was also reported that almost 80% of all crashes and 65% of near-crashes are due to distracted drivers in the United States. That was in the year 2006. Indeed, DWT is becoming as dangerous as drinking and driving.
Let us be fed up by the daily news we hear and watch on TV related to car accidents. Say no to DWT!

Losing someone...

Losing someone you love is one of the most painful situations one can ever go through. Acceptance is too hard and it takes time.

I just lost my uncle. The pain is too much to bear just like losing an immediate family member, a spouse or a best friend. When losing someone, distance does not matter. Blood relationship also does not matter. It’s the relationship, times, memories and above all, the love you have for each other… That explains why it is painful.

It is true that there is time for everything. Now is the time for mourning and grieving. Tears are inevitable.

We love him so much. And we will miss him forever.

Former UFC Evan Tanner is gone!

Shocking news posted on Yahoo welcomed me this morning as I was checking my email. A former UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) champ is dead! At 37, Evan Tanner died not due to a fight...

I’m not a big fan of this guy but few people know that I love to watch fighting scenes of all sorts – boxing, kickboxing, aikido, judo, karate, wrestling, etc. I love watching WWE and UFC and sometimes Sumo fights. Maybe inspired and influenced by my dad and brothers or a frustrated martial artist, I’m an avid fan of Jet Li, Jacky Chan, Bruce Lee, aikido black belter Steven Seagal, Jason Statham, kickboxer Jean-Claude Van Damme, Marc Dacascos, Tony Jaa (Ong-Bak Muay Thai artist), some female action stars, and of course our very own unbeatable Manny Pacquiao.

Back to Evan, I never knew this guy as an adventurous person. The story of his death caught my attention because I can absolutely relate! As an outdoorswoman(but a fine lady J and not an adventure extremist), I sometimes try to satisfy my curiosity, challenge myself and face my fears by trying out new things and visiting new places without considering the danger and risks. Sometimes, being adventurous can lead to destruction and death. I’m aware of that but Evan’s story is an eye-opener for me to be much more careful. I still love my life; it’s God’s gift. Yes we should appreciate and explore His creation but we also need to use wisdom and be good stewards of our bodies. Otherwise, we will miss out on more fun and adventures and overlook the most important things in this life.

See Tanner’s full story (http://sports.yahoo.com/mma/news?slug=ys-mmaweektanner090808&prov=yhoo&type=lgns)

Help!!! I got mugged!

Ever heard of the news lately? Almost every day, they have a new victim. Couple of weeks ago, a call center female supervisor was killed inside a cab. She was on her way to work at 2am shift. Few days ago, another lady was shot on the head and is now at the state of coma.

It’s time for our government to dismiss other political non-sense issues and really do something about these. Anyway, that is not my subject in this blog.

I’ve thought spreading the “news” will help a lot of people - not to scare them but to give them awareness, facts, tips and how-to’s.

I am always thankful that I am still alive…

Just like counseling, I would say it’s easier to take it from those who had the experience rather than those who have no clue. But I surely appreciate those who gave me encouraging words during my tough moments.

Anyone can be a victim. You can’t say it won’t happen to you because you don’t look like a possible prospect – rich-looking, “weak”, celebrity, businessman or politician, etc.

Who’s the muggers’ target and where?- Anyone especially female call center workers or those with unusual work schedule – night, graveyard shift or early morning shift. Obviously, because it’s dark and there are few people around and no policemen (Does their presence matter here anyway?). It happens everywhere but is rampant here in Metro Manila area.

What should I do?1. Avoid walking alone along a free way or clear street if you can.
2. IF you have no choice because of your unusual work schedule, check the following practical tips:
-Use bags that will easily tear off or avoid using fancy bags.
-Don’t place your valuables (cellphones, IDs, cards) inside your bag. Put them in your pocket instead.
-Keep a low key and avoid dressing up so as not to attract muggers. No jewelry. Wear rubber shoes when going to work. My pair of rubber shoes really did the job in protecting my feet. If you have dress code at work, better bring your office uniform and shoes then get changed when you arrive in your office.
3. When riding a cab, immediately get the plate number and send it to someone you know. Also lock all the doors. My usual practice now when riding a cab after work is to ask the guard to get the plate number for me.
4. Find a place or apartment that ensures security and safety.
5. Avoid sleeping when riding a cab or a bus. Be vigilant.

What do I do during the mugging incident?
· When a gun or a knife is pointed at you, don’t think twice but immediately hand over your bag or cellphone. Giving it away is the best way to deal with this. Never fight back even if you are a renowned black-belter martial artist or an Olympian taekwondo medalist. I learned that most self-defense experts get killed in their attempt to fight muggers contrary to what we watch on action movies… pretty much like how actors are shown doing stunts without getting bruises.
· Drive-by bag snatchings will not give you a chance to think as this is done very quickly and takes few seconds only. Dragging is part of the muggers’ “trip” or fun. If you have a very durable bag that does not easily tear off then release your hold as soon as you realized what’s going on. But this is a rare case. Normally, it is human’s instinct to hold on to your bag as you try to figure out what’s going on...unless you are trained or you get used to the experience. People who think you are too stupid to hold on have no clue. They have not experienced it and they got no idea about what is really going on during the incident. They don’t understand basic human psychology and the meaning of velocity and motion. I guess they needed to get a taste of it in order to understand. Try to experiment -surprise and grab your friend’s bag or wait ‘til someone does it to you. Let’s check your response and you’ll understand what I’m talking about.

What to do if you are a victim?The incident definitely affects not just physical but the emotional aspect. Here’s a list of what has to be done:

Physical
Immediately seek medical attention. Have X-ray & anti-tetanus shots. Cleanse your wounds regularly (once or twice a day). Hot compress is good for bruises. Stay at home and have bed rest. Expose or uncover your wounds but protect them from insects. White fluid & red blood oozing out from your wounds will cause the gauze to stick to them and will be harder and painful to remove when you need to cleanse them.

Emotional
Expect emotional depression, fear and anger as you feel cheated and violated. Prayers work wonders. We needed time to be alone but make sure we are surrounded by our loved ones most of the time. During my distress, what kept me strong was the thought of Christ’s suffering on the cross. What I was going through was nothing compared to His sufferings. That also helped me hope and think that the pain was temporary and I would be well soon.

What to do if your family member or friend is a victim.Listen and be sensitive. You can ask what happened but if the victim is having a hard time talking, just keep quiet. She may be in a stage of shock. If she’s too emotional and crying, don’t be loud and avoid cracking jokes unless she initiated. In my case, it’s embarrassing for me to cry in front of people. So I tried to fight my emotions. That explains why I did not cry that day and the jokes helped. Find a way how to get in touch with the victim by getting her new number if any. Send her SMS message, call her or pay her a visit if it’s okay with her. Sympathize; let her feel that you feel what she feels. Words of encouragement and assurance of prayers are recommended instead of telling them what she should have done. Chances are, you don’t know any better. Be sensitive as the victim is very prone to depression during these moments.

Absence Makes the Heart Go Fonder? Or Wander?

Well, this is really a million dollar question for many couples and singles.
LDR or long distance relationships - does it really work? Some people would say no and some would say yes.

Someone told me it does not work. She was in a relationship with a man, seldom spent quality time with him and preserved her purity until it ended after 10 long years. He said he got someone else pregnant. Few days ago, my roommate who’s been in 3 years LDR told me they broke up. She has not yet recovered. (No wonder why for couple of weeks now she’s been staying late every night because she couldn’t sleep.)

Is there a secret to a lasting relationship? Many believe it is physical intimacy. Is it?
LDR, I believe, requires a lot more effort than the regular one. You might ask, “Hey, do you have the right to say something about this subject?” And I would say “yes” and “let us see”. I have yet to come up with the complete list of answers on what keeps it working if it does really work.
I totally disagree that physical intimacy is the ultimate secret to a successful relationship as many people believe in. In fact, I’ve seen many relationships outside marriage that are falling apart because of intimacy. It does play an important role within marriage but outside marriage, it puts the relationship more vulnerable and prone to separation. You’d say,”Oh, it all depends on the level of commitment and love.” But my questions are: “How do you define love?” and “How deep a ‘deep commitment’ is?” Another question is: What motivates a man to pursue a woman if he’s getting all the benefits of marriage?

Ironically, I’m surrounded with friends having failed LDRs. One friend of mine told me after interviewing several male OFWs that men really have a problem with fidelity. This information really causes doubts and fears especially those who are in this situation.

But so far, it is true, as the saying goes, that it takes two to tango. Both parties should cooperate and exert the effort to keep the lines of communication open and the relationship ongoing. Finally, I would say a God-centered relationship that is built on friendship, mutual trust, love & commitment guarantees a successful relationship whether LDR or not.
So, does LDR really work? I would say the answer is yes and no.

New superhero WALL-E!!!

WALL-E, short for Waste Allocation Load Lifter, Earth-Class is a humble, cute and adorable trash-compacting robot with sort of emotions. When I saw the trailer, I thought the setting will remain on that wasteland filled with garbage which is the Planet Earth after 700 years, abandoned by human beings who went out to live outside on spaceship.

WALL-E’s lonely life began to transform when EVA (Extra-terrestrial Vegetation Evaluator) came into the picture. Indeed, it was a spectacular film! There was very little dialogue especially at the first part of the movie and yet it’s amazing how emotions were communicated and demonstrated. It was a simple story yet delivers a great message. It supports the save-the-earth and “go green” campaigns and movements. Oh yes, I believe it is possible that men’s creation may rule us in the future. We may be controlled and become servants of our own inventions. We can be very dependent and engrossed with technology and forget or neglect more important things in life.

So before you throw your trash out in the street, remember Wall-E, a simple robot who made a difference. Like Wall-E, let's save the earth and go green! :-)

Just few stupid thoughts:
1. Though we know that WALL-E & EVA lived happily ever after, I wonder how they will have their offspring someday.
2. How difficult it must be for M-O to do its job on Planet Earth. Remember that maintenance robot that cleans the dirt and inspects everything for foreign contaminants?

Ambush Interview

Honestly, it’s exhausting to share your story over and over again. I’m sure, many of you would agree. I usually attend funerals and one thing I always make sure of is to keep quiet instead of asking the family members who are left behind unless they open up. I know how exhausting it is as they keep on telling the same story if you know what I mean. ..

I could not remember how many times I was asked about what exactly happened to me and what the details were. That morning after the incident, every time someone would come into the office (each one has different work schedule) I was being asked and it initially helped me to open up. That included the nurses and the security group when I was interviewed to get my statement. When time came for the company doctor’s turn, I was tired. I wanted to record everything and do playback every time somebody else would ask (one reason why I blogged my story so I could just point them here at my website if they want to know the whole story). When I came home, I had to tell my family every detail. It is different if you are sharing it to someone who loves you because you know they are concerned and they really care.

I thought I’m done already in telling my story to people until yesterday afternoon. I went to visit my friend in my old apartment where I used to live (about 2 years ago). To my surprise, a group of people swarmed around me and did ambush interview! Yes, they knew about it. They live just right across the police station where the incident was reported. They were talking out loud, all at the same time, asking me questions. Some were giving their comments and opinions as if they were there and witnessed the incident. One sounded as if it was my fault! I really felt bad and wanted to freak out, cry and shout “Shut up!!!” I could feel they were just interested about the news and they really did not care about me. I just knew one person there, the one who initially greeted me. She announced it to the group that I was “the victim” and so everybody came and surrounded me.

I really wanted to cry! It didn’t feel good to be the center of a very loud discussion. If you were there, you would think there was a fight going on. Now I understand why some movie actresses freak out or cry during ambush interviews and pres cons… Yes, it’s true! Especially if they are being accused or they are being interrogated about a bad rumor. Being sensitive is what most people need to practice.

Cheerleaders?

Oh yes, these cute little creatures amused me during those times of distress and boredom.

Aren’t they lovely?

Due to insistent public demand, here they are:

You might ask why these pics were taken in the midst of my agony. Got 4 reasons for that:
1. My eldest brother and his wife wanted to send those pics to our favorite cousin and her husband (the one who first heard the news from me because he was online – thanks to Internet technology and Yahoo). I did not know how to get in touch with my family back home since I didn’t have a hard copy of their contact numbers. So the news came all the way from Hawaii to my family in Pangasinan.
2. For my “honeybunch” who wanted to see pictures of these since he was also out of the country. He was the first one to call me. :-)
3. For my HMO in case they run into problems. Well, the hospital could not start accommodating me because my HMO was requiring a lot like police report, etc. I suppose they wanted me to go out of the hospital’s emergency room in Dagupan and go back to Manila to get the police report and all that. Got their approval after few hours of waiting in pain and several phone calls that would not get through. I was asked to prepare incident report (as if I was still at work). So got those pictures taken in case they would ask for additional requirements or proof.
4. I needed then to avail of sick leaves for more than a week. Got proof in case of discrepancies or disapproval of my leave application. Thanks to our Senior Manager and my Supervisor!

A horrible nightmare… but thank God I am alive!

I walked on that same road this morning to see if I can face my fear… Yes, I was able to without rapid heartbeats. But all the memories came back no matter how hard I resisted. I must admit I began to feel weak as if I was going to faint. I’ve been struggling with fear every time I go outside alone especially when I see red cars passing by. Sad thing is there are no instances each day when I don’t get to see red cars and they are everywhere, they are all around me. This has been going on for weeks now since that incident happened.

Yes, I was mugged. Almost 3 weeks ago, around 3:40AM, I was on my way to work when a red car passed by and was going on the same direction. I was walking alone as I usually do for months now and it was not very dark as there were street lights around when the car suddenly made a U-turn just before reaching the guard house at the entrance of the “city”. It made its way on the center of the road and suddenly went to my direction. Without changing its speed, a hand came out of the car window and snatched my shoulder bag. It was so swift that I could not even let go of my bag so I was dragged off along the road which was not so smooth. With my eyes open, I could see what was going on as I was being dragged along. I was able to release my hold when my bag tore off. I could see that strong hand holding my bag up in the air with pride. I did not see the car plate if there was any as I was lying on the road.
I managed to get up quickly and ran towards the group of vendors on the other side of the road who were preparing their stuff. I asked if they got the plate number. The car ran too fast that the vendors were clueless as they did not even know what had happened. They said they just saw me lying on the road not knowing the reason (Could you imagine what they were thinking? – maybe they thought I was just sleepy or drunk!). I thought it was just a bad dream until I began to feel the pain on my arms, knees and tummy side. I did not shout, shake, cry or feel my heart beating fast. I was still normal. I saw my wounds bleeding and thoughts were rushing in my mind. One was, I needed to get to the office as quickly as I can as I no longer have my company ID and proximity, otherwise I’ll be late and my supervisor won’t be convinced that I really made it on time. Could you imagine I was still thinking about my work! Not to mention, I’ve been maintaining my perfect attendance record since January of 2008 – no absences, leaves or tardiness! Second thought was, I needed to run away and take the hidden short cuts to get to the office else the robbers might think of coming back and kill me. They can afford to have a very nice car, they can afford carrying guns for their self-defense considering the kind of “job” that they have! Another thought was – I needed to get to the clinic in the office for first aid. I could feel the wounds bleeding and stinging. Yes, I managed to run and put my jacket on to hide my wounds still thanking God because I am alive and whole. Before, I just get to watch similar incidents on TV. I could not believe it happened to me! But thank God I am alive! I was not kidnapped, raped, shot, stabbed or killed (take note for those who heard a different story), which actually happens in this city and reported on the news. It could have been worse so I should still be thankful. While running, I’ve also thought of Angelina Jolie in her latest movie that I watched – Wanted. I wondered why movie actors and actresses don’t get bruises and wounds from doing stunts like what I got! :-)

Anyway, so I was given first aid and the news spread quickly in the office and in my neighborhood. It did not feel good that I became instantly popular (also thought of putting my name on the Walk of Fame here in Eastwood City). I did not cry but could still smile, laugh and crack jokes but I knew it will surely sink in once I’m alone. So I thought I should be with my family immediately. True enough, it did occur to me when I was in the hospital when the nurses were trying to peel away the dirty gauze from my skin to cleanse the wounds. And it occurred again the next day when I was home and I began to feel the pain that was getting worse every minute. I could hardly move. I knew exactly now how it feels to be disabled, invalid and inutile and I did not like it. I could not get up from bed by myself or even lift a glass of water. Every part of my body was painful. Insects were following my wounds despite constant cleansing. I could not help but cry because of the physical and emotional pain. I felt I was violated and disrespected. I was disabled yet I knew it was only temporary. It was painful but I never questioned God why it happened to me because it can happen to anyone no matter how careful we are. Thank God it did not happen to any family member or friends.

Now I’m slowly recovering from both physical and emotional scars. After that horrible experience, I still thank God for everything especially my life with Him, my family and friends. I still believe that because of Him, life is beautiful and that will never change.

Passion World Tour

Last night was really amazing! The conference was really a WOW! The worship, the message and the prayer time were altogether powerful. Indeed, God was there. Chris Tomlin and the instrumentalists really demonstrated the meaning of true worship. Humility was there. No wall of pride or whatsoever. They were not performing. They were really worshiping! We all felt God’s presence inside the stadium. I will never forget the experience. Nearly 8000 people were there. And it was really a powerful time of worship and prayer.
I was scared at first because there were too many people, worried that there were too many arms, bodies and stuff that may hit my wounded arms. (Will explain how I got these wounds in my next post.) Thank God I was able to come.
The message was touching. Indeed, my perspective about God has changed. I felt His genuine love. Louie shared about a 22-year old lady whose life has been changed, from a messed life to a changed life. He actually read the lady’s journal entries. How that journal got into Louie’s hands was really amazing! God’s grace was written in that journal which is now being spread all over the world. How wonderful it is that a young woman’s life can be used of God to reach out to different people around the globe. Her life was not a waste. Her absence here on earth, which is eternal presence with the Almighty One, is a continuing story of God’s amazing grace.

‘Til DEBT do us part …

This is really funny but it’s a reality. I came across this phrase in a book about managing finances. The author also mentioned that 56% of all divorces are a result of financial tension in the home by the Gallup Poll.

I guess, as singles we should be good stewards of our resources. Let us not join those 56% and add to it... Let’s save money and be content with what we have. It is important to know and get what we need and not what we want. Be debt-free! It’s liberating!
I’ve seen couples getting married just to find out that their partner has been drowning in debt. Don’t marry someone who has overwhelming debt unless you want to be a hero or you can afford to pay his or her debt in the name of love. But who would want to end up paying debt for the rest of his or her life, end up in jail… or dying and in debt? Remember that conjugality does not only include asset but liabilities as well. It’s always better to be wise. So, do you think it is a good idea to conduct a “silent” credit investigation or check on your partner first before considering marriage? Hmmm… What do you think? :-)

When To Say Goodbye To Your Husband Or Boyfriend?

Oooops… Don’t get me wrong, please. Let me just tell you that I believe in the sanctity and covenant of marriage.

But honestly, at one point in my life I thought divorce was a good idea. This occurred to me when unhappy married couples left and right had too many stories to tell which made me agree that divorce was the ultimate solution.

I had a friend whose dad was womanizing and another acquaintance that used to have bruises due to her husband’s beatings. Believe it or not we had a family friend whose family was broken because it was found out that he was having an affair with another man. Yes, another man… Then another friend of mine who was like an older sister to me has been married for several years now with 2 wonderful kids. She eventually got involved with another married man. She never listened to our pieces of unsolicited advice. The relationship grew strong and went stronger when she found out that her husband has a child with another woman. His child was older than his 2 legitimate kids. Sad stories…

Having this exposure, I came up with my own “grounds” for possible divorce once I’m married. First, I’m going to leave my husband (or bf) at once when he beats me…even if it happened once. No way! Another is when I catch him having an affair with another woman. Lastly, when he’s having an affair with another man. Makes sense isn’t it?

But I’ve also thought of ways on how to keep this from happening. Single ladies, you may want to take note of these. That old cliché that says prevention is better than cure still works. I’ve got two. Get to know your suitors well including his family. Be a keen observer, use your intuition (woman’s gift I guess) and look for these 3 signs before giving your sweet “yes” and “I do’s”.

Why Some Marriages Fail?

This question was posed during one of our small group meetings with some female church members where most attendees are married women. Many answers came up like lack of communication, lack of readiness in terms of emotional, spiritual & financial stability. Someone answered it was because of marrying for wrong reasons.

I’m not yet married and not an expert on topics about marriages. Though I am a keen observer and have been exposed to both successful and failed marriages around me and have read few books about relationships, I have yet to learn so many things. And I agree that the best way to learn such is experiencing it. That I don’t have yet.

I’ve just realized this morning the truthfulness and reality of this last reason that was mentioned above. I came across an acquaintance or a friend who’s been married for about 2 years and has a baby. She didn’t look okay and without me asking how she is, she blurted out that she regrets getting married. She said her life has become more complicated and miserable when she got married. This woman got married late. She was 38 or 39 when she met her better half (which must have turned “bitter” I guess). Everybody was just surprised to hear her announcement that she was getting married. She said she had no plans of getting married until a man came into her life who was a stranger to her. They were not friends before. But they fell in love and thought it’s going to be a bed of roses. During her 1st two years of married life and eventually having a baby, she always looked happy and told all of the ladies she got to speak with to go ahead and get married before it’s too late. That includes me. Every time we met, she would say, “Hey get married. It’s fun to have a baby!” (As if it’s so easy to plan and as if you’re the one who has all the right to propose to your man.) Lately you’ll see her wearing a sad face. And now she said it! She is regretful. She has not left her husband. Not yet. But she’ll soon be a possible candidate of this failed marriages club.

Most of the reasons for failed marriages are being realized right there within marriage. We’d say you’ll never know the person until you live under the same roof. One would say, “I never knew he was a drunkard!” or “I had no idea that he’s such and such.” But the question is can this be prevented? The answer is I don’t know. :-) But why learn from your own mistakes if you can learn from other’s mistakes? Other people’s stories serve as a signal, a guide or a lesson for us to learn. There’s no need to experience it in order to learn... One thing I probably learned is getting married for wrong reasons. Many people especially women, fall into the trap of thinking that they are running out of time and their biological clocks are ticking so fast. So they think they needed to get married and marry this man who’s going to come and propose early this year! If this is your reason for marrying then expect a possible failed marriage. Get married for the right reasons! Get to know the person well. Get to know his family, his background, everything about him. Make sure you love each other. It should be a balance between the mind and heart - not one over the other. Don’t lower your standards.

Let’s keep in mind that marriage is a lifetime commitment that holds us responsible in building the next generation. We will be raising future parents, grandparents, leaders…or even criminals. The kind of people that will rule this world in the future would greatly depend on us. Let’s make the right choice than be sorry for the rest of our lives. For our choices not only affect us but also affect others’ lives and future.

Funny True-to-Life Stories…

Well I’m not going to give you made-up stories but real ones that occurred in the life of a poor, innocent child. I’m not sure if you’re going to cry or laugh your hearts out after reading these. Life is full of both good and bad times. No matter how hard life is there will always be happy moments. No one has ever gone through easy life without any problems or discomforts. I’m not exactly sure though how these stories can be categorized. I guess it would depend on the characters you will look at– the “oppressed” or the “oppressor”. Like what I mentioned, life is full of drama, comedies, action, fun, etc. All of these took place in my life as the youngest girl and 5^th among 6 siblings - with 3 brothers and 2 sisters… See how “fun” and challenging it is to be a part of a big happy family!

Well, having a big family will usually tend to “divide” the siblings into two or smaller groups. I was part of the boys’ team. So fortunately or unfortunately, I was “one of the boys” and still am. Thank God I grew up as a real & fine woman. Ha-ha!

Childhood experiences…

When our parents were away, here’s what usually happened - you would see the kids running around, going in and outside the house. Sometimes they played basketball, and as usual, the boys were always the winners. When it’s the girls’ turn to play, the ball was nowhere to be found. The next day you would find the ball either inside the back of the toilet bowl where the flusher is located or up in the ring, sliced into half and useless. That’s after they got bored of playing the stuff and they didn’t want the girls to enjoy as they did.

We were not fond of pillow fights. My brothers would put the pillows up above the door which was half-open. They would stay inside the room then would convince the girls to get in so we could all play. Sometimes they used huge milk cans, dipper or small pail filled with water instead of pillows. So we girls got swollen heads and in no time, got free painful shower.

If we were lucky to have a sunny day, we would go out and play. Most of the time, I fell into a ground hole made by my brothers to trap me. Imagine the helplessness of a very young, poor & innocent child… I remember the times I used to hide inside our cabinet during our hide-and-seek. It usually toppled down the floor with me inside without getting hurt (I think this is a skill).

Nightmare?

One day, one of my older brothers invited me to play inside the huge, empty water tank at the front yard. So, he helped me get inside the tank. I started tapping, playing and making echoes inside. He said I had to wait for him, but he never came in. I eventually got bored and tried to reach the round tank cover. To my dismay, I could not open it as it was too heavy. Then there was a foul odor like a rotten fruit or dead mouse. I realized he farted on the small hole where the hosepipe is usually connected. Yes it was sooooo gross! I was grasping for air so I placed my nose closer to that small hole to get some fresh air. When he noticed I was doing that, he put a piece of rag to cover that small hole. I was crying and shouting inside and was helpless. He finally got me out of the tank after few minutes. He was laughing and must have enjoyed the “fun”… but for me it was an unforgettable & horrible nightmare. Despite that, I’m still part of his team. J

(More to come…)

Lady Talk: How To Know If His Love Is Real

Most people think love exists because of physical expressions that are present in the relationship. We usually base it on feelings. Can we really guess if two people are really in love or if their love is real? Can we safely say that when we see a man and a woman holding hands together, hugging or kissing, they really love each other? It is one thing to know if you are in love. It is another thing to know if your partner really loves you.

Maybe we should define what love is. There are many types of love. Many books have been written about this subject. But the best definition can be found in the Bible. It clearly defines love in 1 Corinthians 13. I’ve just clearly understood the application of 1 Corinthians 13 in a man-woman relationship. When your man’s love points you towards God then that is real love. What do I mean by this? Ladies, I’m sure some of you have experienced or are experiencing this. Whenever your man demonstrates his love, care or thoughtfulness, how do you feel? You feel great, right? But have you ever felt that your man’s acts and goodness remind you of God’s love? I did and I still do. I’m not an emotional type of woman but I can’t help but cry whenever he demonstrates his care and love for me. Whenever I’m down or sick, he’s there to comfort, encourage and take care of me. Those simple gestures, his forgiveness, patience, gentleness - I believe is God’s way of telling me that He loves me so much and He cares for me. That is why He brought this man into my life to love, cherish and take care of me. In the end, God is glorified.
Is God glorified in your current relationship?

I’m convinced that it is indeed easy to have a boyfriend and have as many boyfriends as you want. But it is hard to find someone who loves and not lusts over you, who is not just after your face or your body but someone who wants to live and grow old with you. Someone who is willing to wait to enjoy you until marriage. Wait for that man in your life. Because he is worth the wait and you are worth loving.

To Pursue Or Not Pursue...

Before you continue reading, just want to give you a heads up that this question is meant to be for ladies. Yes, men are not supposed to dwell too much on this question. If you think you like that single woman out there who has no major issues then go ahead. Get to know her well and court her if you think you really like her. So what about for women? I agree with what they say that when a woman initiates a relationship with a man, she’ll do the initiating for the rest of her married life with him. Men are designed to be initiators, pursuers or “chasers” whatever you may call it. Women are to be pursued. This is not a cultural issue. God created Adam before Eve. Adam saw her and he liked her.

Since I was a child, I’ve always thought that it was not normal for a woman to pursue. Nobody told me that. It’s instinct. I just thought that was the norm. Ladies, it’s nice and it feels good to be pursued. I always believed that a man should love a woman more than she should love him…not until marriage where degree or level of love should be equal. This is not a campaign on woman’s power or something. Many times, we think (and even a lot of men do) that men like girls who are head over heels in love with them. It makes them feel good about themselves. It feeds their ego. This setup about women being the initiators may be successful but not always especially in the long run. I’ve asked a lot of good men about this including my brothers (Yes! I did my homework a long time ago.) And take note, good men. Their answer is yes, they love it of course especially if she’s a hot babe…a good girlfriend material but not a wife material. They all agreed that they still want to be the pursuers; they want a sense of challenge. It makes them more fulfilled and successful when they went through a tough job. Some men don’t like to work hard though. They just wait for good girls to come. Well, they won’t because real good girls never chase after boys. You may think it’s not true that all good men are taken. It could be. And some are just waiting. But if they don’t want to work hard, forget them. And if you girls can’t wait, good luck. You will miss the fun of being pursued.

I still believe that real good men don’t want to be pursued. Because good men are the hardworking ones and they’ll work hard to pursue you. What about those men who got no courage to propose? Well, bad news is there are men like that. They don’t want rejection or they are just full of fears. But how can you expect those men to be responsible leaders of their future families and decision makers who are able to handle conflicts if they can’t even do a simple task that their hearts are crying out for. How can you entrust your life to that kind of man who is so afraid to face challenge, risks and possible failure? Back to the ladies…So for those who can’t wait, get your acts together! Sorry but all you can do is wait, pray, be confident and stay beautiful. Always remember that after all, good men love not-easy-to-get, beautiful (in and out), confident, independent, godly and patient women. J