This question was posed during one of our small group meetings with some female church members where most attendees are married women. Many answers came up like lack of communication, lack of readiness in terms of emotional, spiritual & financial stability. Someone answered it was because of marrying for wrong reasons.
I’m not yet married and not an expert on topics about marriages. Though I am a keen observer and have been exposed to both successful and failed marriages around me and have read few books about relationships, I have yet to learn so many things. And I agree that the best way to learn such is experiencing it. That I don’t have yet.
I’ve just realized this morning the truthfulness and reality of this last reason that was mentioned above. I came across an acquaintance or a friend who’s been married for about 2 years and has a baby. She didn’t look okay and without me asking how she is, she blurted out that she regrets getting married. She said her life has become more complicated and miserable when she got married. This woman got married late. She was 38 or 39 when she met her better half (which must have turned “bitter” I guess). Everybody was just surprised to hear her announcement that she was getting married. She said she had no plans of getting married until a man came into her life who was a stranger to her. They were not friends before. But they fell in love and thought it’s going to be a bed of roses. During her 1st two years of married life and eventually having a baby, she always looked happy and told all of the ladies she got to speak with to go ahead and get married before it’s too late. That includes me. Every time we met, she would say, “Hey get married. It’s fun to have a baby!” (As if it’s so easy to plan and as if you’re the one who has all the right to propose to your man.) Lately you’ll see her wearing a sad face. And now she said it! She is regretful. She has not left her husband. Not yet. But she’ll soon be a possible candidate of this failed marriages club.
Most of the reasons for failed marriages are being realized right there within marriage. We’d say you’ll never know the person until you live under the same roof. One would say, “I never knew he was a drunkard!” or “I had no idea that he’s such and such.” But the question is can this be prevented? The answer is I don’t know. :-) But why learn from your own mistakes if you can learn from other’s mistakes? Other people’s stories serve as a signal, a guide or a lesson for us to learn. There’s no need to experience it in order to learn... One thing I probably learned is getting married for wrong reasons. Many people especially women, fall into the trap of thinking that they are running out of time and their biological clocks are ticking so fast. So they think they needed to get married and marry this man who’s going to come and propose early this year! If this is your reason for marrying then expect a possible failed marriage. Get married for the right reasons! Get to know the person well. Get to know his family, his background, everything about him. Make sure you love each other. It should be a balance between the mind and heart - not one over the other. Don’t lower your standards.
Let’s keep in mind that marriage is a lifetime commitment that holds us responsible in building the next generation. We will be raising future parents, grandparents, leaders…or even criminals. The kind of people that will rule this world in the future would greatly depend on us. Let’s make the right choice than be sorry for the rest of our lives. For our choices not only affect us but also affect others’ lives and future.
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